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Hi

...Match point.... double fault... ouch! ...
that's it, it's over, the match is coming to an end and our child has lost... we come to the side of the pitch to follow the match, we experienced it as if we ourselves were part of the game.. .emotions run wild within us...and we have so much to say to our child...
...and he too is in the thick of emotion...

There are plenty of possible scenarios:

- he played badly and you would like to tell him that he didn't do this well or didn't do that well...
- he is disappointed, he even has a few tears in his eyes...
- he is happy because he had a good match: (it's easier to manage)
- he is angry
- he behaved badly on the field and you are the one who is angry.
- he played well but his opponent played a little better than him.
- he played against a cheater and he is disgusted... so are you....
...etc

And it's complicated to manage this moment "just after the match"...

One important thing: Your child has just lost, the match did not necessarily go as you or him hoped... as a parent you are emotionally affected and you certainly feel the need to unload, that's understandable...   but “avoid unloading on your child”. That wouldn't necessarily be very constructive. Be aware that your child is probably also emotionally affected by their match. Adding more to him when he leaves the field is not the best time. In addition, a few seconds after the match, even if you are affected by it, you are not necessarily giving good advice....  In short: Give both of you time to direct all of this... you will talk afterwards...

Some ideas and advice to help you better manage these difficult ends of matches:

1) prepare all of this in advance:

Come to an agreement with your child and even if at the moment it is never the same situation, put in place "some procedures" after the match to manage the most common ones and be complicit in managing these difficult moments.

Example: - We meet at the exit of the field, we "check" each other but we don't say anything to each other and we will announce the score to the referee together. We let our children have a drink with their friend, then we isolate ourselves for 5 minutes to talk calmly about the match and the feelings we experienced.

2) Do some work on yourself so it doesn’t affect you too much:

• There will be dozens of matches, hundreds, there will be defeats, and victories.... good matches, not so good ones, bad ones, injustices, great moments... if you follow your child in his career, the daily competition will be made up of all that... you have to accept it and manage it; there will be ups and downs, learn to put it all into perspective.
• If you are too affected, move away from the field a little.

3) Teach parent and child to lose: and to appreciate defeat

In tennis we often say: There is no defeat, only learning. It's true that in every match there are good things, satisfaction in certain areas of the game, lessons to be learned, areas for work, areas for progress... Seen like that, every match should be satisfactory. . For example with Elouan, we are very much in this philosophy... and Elouan himself often prefers to have a difficult match and lose while playing well than an easy match and win without forcing... Indeed, in the end with Elouan we are not so much looking for victories but no more progress. (The victories will come in due time)

For the little anecdote: A few years ago Elouan had 20 consecutive defeats in competition... and obviously as strong as he is, his morale took a little hit... So we chose to step back a little to work in our corner. One day, we sat on the bench next to the field and said... "However, if we compare your game today to that of just 1 year ago, it's not the same... do you remember? "…. "ha yes, lol that's for sure, I've made good progress; "   ...   and suddenly the 20 defeats in a row were less important... we both realized that the important thing was to have progressed
Since each year after the Easter holidays Elouan & I have our little ritual which consists of sitting on the bench of the court of our village and taking stock of the year of tennis experienced... and the projects to come ...